"Since buying this shirt: I have been invited to sing national anthems at baseball games. People have stopped treading on me. Women address me as Mr. Theodore Abraham Washington, the LXIX before throwing themselves at my feet (which generally hover above the ground). I can drink 16 oz of Budweiser out of a 12 oz can. Border patrol agents monitor my fence line. The terrorists have put me on a watch list.

This shirt is the real deal; a Russian guy put this shirt on and caught fire. the shirt survived. because America. If you still haven't bought the shirt it's because you lack testicular fortitude."